Feeling Different

I don't feel much different from this:



but I have felt different lately. There was some drama going on in different areas of my life that effected me. Growing up there was a lot of real and pretend drama and I did not know how to survive without it. Even in college I still created drama. When Roger and I married, I swore off drama and for the most part that has been successful. So when drama came from different angles, I wanted to run far far away. Instead I dealt with it the best I know and became a peacemaker as best I could even though I was standing ground on my convictions. Vague enough? I don't like drama. Roger says that makes me more mature. Imagine, me mature. You are laughing aren't you?

Something else seems different too. I am feeling less able to express myself through words, spoken and written. I am less willing to say much for fear of sounding like a big dork. I wonder if I have always sounded like a dork and did not know it and am just now realizing it or if I have digressed with time. Its not that I am not talking as much as usual. Its more in writing, speaking to large groups, or when there is something really important to say.

Also, I reached a point of feeling like I was drowning this last week. Hero Camp took everything I had two weeks ago, then I came down with a cold and Levi came down with roseola this last week. There were days where I held him all day and he woke up every 2 hours at night. The big kids still needed to do things active and engaging and the house was out of order for me. I did not know how I was going to do anything. One night in the middle of it, the Bishop knocked on the door. I am so relieved to say no kids were fighting, the house was descent(except for the dinner dishes and the little piles I had not been able to clean up yet) and we were reading scriptures. Yep! What better thing to be doing when the Bishop comes in. It made me think about how the important things were happening in our home. Unfortunatly, it did not help wth the drowning feeling. Some of you know what is helpomg. The rest of you will find out later.

Thanks for listening- I needed it.