Thursday, November 25, 2010

16, 32, 48

Yesterday was my 32 birthday. When Roj and I went to bed, he came in and snuggled close and fell asleep within seconds. Close as in arm under my pillow and breathing on my neck. I can't fall asleep that close and in fact, we have a King size bed because I can't sleep being close. I can handle hand holding and that is about it. I thought, good grief, I am 32 years old today and maybe from here on out I can sleep cuddling. Why not? That made me start thinking about being 32 and how that may be 1/3 of my life if I take after my mom's side of the family. Only 1/3!!

That made me start thinking about 1/2 of my life ago because there is no point in thinking about 32 years ago. I can't remember that. At 16, I did the normal things. I started "dating" and driving. I lived in a home with my mom, stepdad, 1 bio brother and sister, and 5 step siblings. I shared a room with one sister and we were really close. I had my own cat and some fish. I worked as a hostess at Outback Steakhouse. I was in the choir. I ate chicken fried steak everyday at school (and had it for my bday dinner last night). There was always some sort of drama going on.

Thinking back on highschool, I realized I forgot how unpopular I was then. I knew everybody and was friends with everybody but aside from my boyfriend(s) and family, I wasn't real close to anyone. I had a best friend since birth but we were not super super close in public settings. I remember days walking around at lunch not really knowing who to sit with. My best friend had other friends, my siblings had their own friends, even my boyfriend(s) had his own friends. When I did find people to sit with I often felt like an outsider. I dealt with depression.

At the time, if I were asked what I thought life would be like in 16 years, I am sure I would have said married, a bunch of kids, a marine biologist that works with sharks. I fulfilled the most important part of that and am living a life I always thought I would.

16 years is so long ago and so much has happened for bad and good. My sister died. That was never supposed to happen. Sorry, did I really just go there. I will stop. I never meant for this to be a sad post. I don't have a sad life. I have a great life with an awesome husband and amazing kids.

Life changed when I went to college. No one knew I was a dud in highschool and I became more popular. I had a lot of fun and went even overboard Freshman year. I am not proud of who I was then either.

I started liking myself after getting married and having kids. I finally felt like I knew who I was and what my role in life should be. I became even more confidant in myself and even liked myself.

When I moved to Irvine, I had it all. Great family, great friends, great hobbies, great self esteem. I was never happier. Rory asked me yesterday what my worst year was and I answered quickly 7th grade. She asked me what my favorite year was and I took some time and answered 2008. Life was calm, peaceful, and fun. I felt loved all around the board.

See why it was so sad to leave Irvine? I know life will be great here too I am sure but Irvine was where I found happiness and fulfillment.

I can't imagine the next 16 years having as much change as the last and I don't want it to.

I fell asleep in Roger's arms last night and I might do it again sometime.

6 comments:

Jenn said...

I didn't know you in Highschool. I met you that crazy freshman year of college. And that is when I fell in love with you. What does that say about me? I think I have said this before, but you saved me that year. I am grateful for Rog for always taking such wonderful care of you, and for being my friend. I am sorry you had to leave such a wonderful place that shaped you so much and helped you find you. I also know you are one of the strongest 32 year olds I know, and I look forward to hearing from you in another 16 years about how much Boise and this stage in your life has molded and shaped and benefited you.

Happy Birthday again sweetheart.
Love, Jenny Girl

Melissa said...

Happy Belated Birthday Kelly! I know your next 16 years will be awesome. I can't believe you ever felt awkward in your life. You have always seemed so sure of yourself! Glad that you chose BYU and then chose Roger and then chose to be an great mom to all your cute kids. Have fun snuggling-you'll probably like it better in ID because you will need to stay warm!

Audra Bollard said...

Oh, I just miss you dear friend! I was actually thinking about you as I was driving to the bike park today. I have to say ditto to 2008--it was a grand time and I loved being a part of it all in it's heyday. I still feel the influence of all of those ladies and what they taught me, however near or far.

I'm so glad you have your cute family--you are a wonderful Mom and it's clearly what you were meant to do (lucky, lucky kids of yours!). Happy belated birthday!

Hey Maughan said...

It was fun to take that walk back through your life. It's funny how we meet people in a certain slice of their lives and have no idea, really, who they were and what they were like in any other stage. Well, I did know about your short, colorful hair, but other than that...

I'm so glad I could be a part of the happiest window in your life (so far). We all knew we had something unusual and very special in that community of women. And of course you were the founder of the yahoo group that will keep us all glued forever. That is an accomplishment we will be grateful to you for continually.

I called 32 my second sweet sixteen. It felt really old at the time, but oh it seems young six years later...

Kirbell said...

Oh, Irvine, place that we love. However, 2008 will never quite be duplicated, will it. At the time it was a crazy year (SotW, LoB, Prop8!!) but also the best because so much changed at the beginning of 2009. I love your post because you remembered the past without wishing your present away. I love you and miss you tons. Now I'm crying.

shari berry bo-berry said...

Kelly, for what it's worth, I didn't think you were unpopular in h.s. -- in fact, i envied your fun, outgoing personality, and ability to just be friends with EVERYONE!

but, that is the past...and it doesn't change things now... i really enjoyed reading this post, and it has actually sent me into a crazy introspective of my own...

you are a wonderful person, always have been, and i have enjoyed reading/catching up on your blog!!!

enjoy your new home, new friends, and new experiences...it's just another new chapter in your amazing life! :)